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Feeling a little bit sad? The world grinding you down? Then fear not, just take some of this medicine, one part bewbies to one part kittens and you'll feel as right as rain in no time. Since Hippocrates first took his oath, it has been a common cure for any ailment.
Do you want to, erm, you know... awkwardly speak more good in a kind of strange and stunted way, just like you fav teen star that you're actually hating on because you're like sooo jealous because she gets to be close to Robert Pattinson and stuff.
This woman is hating on Stephen King, which is ironic really because she looks like something Stephen King might've created in one of his novels, something that crawled out of the steaming swamps of vile dimensions to enter the world and devour the souls of sleeping children. But that's Twilight fans for you.
Remember when you were young and you had no face and you fancied that much older girl next door and she had no face either? Yeah? Well, this is an animation about that time, when love was first filling your heart with sadness and joy and your face had yet to grow.
Can you touch your tongue with the roof of your mouth? Or close your eyelids, look at the bright sky and see a kind of orange-white watery light? Well, the chances that you're a hufflepuffs, just like everyone else!
A man was promised the time of his life at an awesome water park with rides that stick the middle digit to gravity and prize themselves in leaving your swimming trunks wrapped round your chin when you step off. That promise was smashed apart and this is the story of one man's subsequent misery.
So the Harry Potter films are coming to a close and thousands of teenagers and adults are crying magical tears of despair that their favourite boy wonder is no more. Well, GET OVER IT! But for those that didn't dedicate their lives to a children's book, here's the first 7 films in 7 minutes.
Lock up your eyeballs and your ear cavities, The X Factor is rolling into town, and by town we mean country. Specifically, the good ol' US of A. So you get to see Simon Cowell being a total git and trashing the dreams of people who sing like a cat drowning in blood.
For all your Games of Throne devotees, it's an acoustic and electric violin cover of the main theme song from Game of Thrones played by a talented Asian guy. Or many talented Asian guys, which are the same guy, but cloned.
Great, more reasons for people to stop suddenly in the street and start staring into their iDevices like they're looking into another dimension where unknown splendours are unfolding before their eyes like the rich tapestry of a cosmic mythology.
It's water, but water in really, ultra slow-motion so it looks like some strange alien liquid that's splooshing about. But no, it's just what happens naturally when water and gravity meet, but your eyes are too lame to see it. You lame-eyed puny human.
This young man finds a strange device on his front lawn. What is it and what mysterious powers does it hold within its structure? Why, it's a plot device, allowing for classic cinematic narratives to play out at the push of a button. You can pick them up on eBay for a few dollars.
Well, how do you think you'd fare in a contest like this? Not too good, probably. You'd need to have the will of a thousand monks to not get distracted by those two things sitting their just under her head looking all inviteful.
Put that goddamn cleavage away, will you. No one wants to see it apart from every pervert there is. Which is just about every man there is. So why not buy this cloth that attaches to your bra straps like a clip-on cleavage curtain and let us all get on with our jobs.
Well done guys, well done. BIIIIIG pat on the back for everyone, you done great. You set off 11,000 lanterns in Poland and now you've given the death signal to The Watchers who live up there. They'll be on to us in a matter of minutes.
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